<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>New Laptop by is_this_a_mistake</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24342424">New Laptop</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/is_this_a_mistake/pseuds/is_this_a_mistake'>is_this_a_mistake</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Body Confidence, M/M, Small Penis, Temptation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:40:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,619</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24342424</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/is_this_a_mistake/pseuds/is_this_a_mistake</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Willow had been so excited to get her new laptop, Xander had just casually asked her for her old one, and she agreed easily.</p>
<p>The internet had lots and lots of good porn, and now Xander had an easy way to watch it.  And also do other things that he could actually talk to other people about... though he hadn’t done any of that yet.</p>
<p>It was that guilty feeling of needing to do something productive that had him poking around the files on the laptop.  Willow probably had lots of good reference stuff on it, magic or demony stuff.</p>
<p>And that’s when he found all the Initiative files.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Xander Harris/Spike</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>New Laptop</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Willow had been so excited to get her new laptop, Xander had just casually asked her for her old one, and she agreed easily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The internet had lots and lots of good porn, and now Xander had an easy way to watch it.  And also do other things that he could actually talk to other people about... though he hadn’t done any of that yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was that guilty feeling of needing to do something productive that had him poking around the files on the laptop.  Willow probably had lots of good reference stuff on it, magic or demony stuff.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that’s when he found all the Initiative files.  Her recent hacking had been what inspired her to want a better new laptop, so it was the most recent stuff there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>None of the ‘patient’ files had been opened, he could tell by the date and time stamp, all exactly the same as the created date and time.  It was… probably pretty gruesome, so Xander was glad Willow hadn’t looked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had scared Xander, how easily he could see himself as just another Initiative soldier.  Another unthinking, order-following drone.  That was an easy life in a lot of ways.  And now he was feeling way more sympathy for demons than ever.  All those demons in cages.  Some of them had looked like kids maybe, and others just... not that scary.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hostile file folders.  His cursor pointer thing hovered over 17 almost without him knowing it.  He double clicked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everything was documented in text documents and pictures.  Xander clicked on a picture file at random.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was like… an autopsy.  He couldn’t see Spike’s head, but he hoped he was unconscious.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xander looked away from the open chest when he couldn’t look anymore and he saw…it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he was done gawking, he’d actually checked for notation about it- a category for ‘physical deformities’ that didn’t mention it.  Only his eyebrow scar and neck puncture holes were mentioned</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No mention of a really tiny penis.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His testicles were normal sized, which just made the penis look smaller.  Xander was looking through the file properly in order now.  There was no body hair at all in the first picture, and some brown… stubble by the end.  So vampire hair still grew, Xander hadn’t been sure.  He’d wondered if Spike’s bleached hair was something done like fifty years ago, and now he was stuck with it for fear of it getting hair colored or bleached too many times and falling out or something.  He had listened to Cordelia enough to pick up a few things- mostly when she was criticizing other girls.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Was it a vampire thing?  The- small man-parts, not the hair stuff.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Probably not?  Would he know if Angel?... nope, never going there.  No, no, gross, </span>
  <em>
    <span>gross</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Grosser than Spike by a lot somehow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>None of it felt right.  Spike… oozed confidence.  He oozed sex.  At least until he was chipped.  It made Xander wonder if the science wackos had messed with that too, but no mention in the file.  Even after the… everything he went through with these people, he was still… he was obscene, and not just in the words he used.  Little things, little looks.  How he saw and considered absolutely everyone in the room, </span>
  <em>
    <span>saw</span>
  </em>
  <span> everything.  Xander didn’t have a better word for it than that.  Spike saw non-super-powered Xander just as much as he saw Buffy.  Old man Giles (though not as old as Spike… not neaaarly as old as Anya) or meek little Willow- who wasn’t as meek these days.  He didn’t lack confidence in anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Giles asked if he could take Spike, Xander was relieved because he… no longer liked the idea of the chipped vampire chained or tied, scowled at all the time.  When Xander had been doing more than his share of scowling a few days ago.  He probably agreed suspiciously easily, but he didn’t care.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wanted to shove those files in the other Scoobies’ faces.  Show what hell those demons had gone through.  Xander had at least glanced through all the… victim files by now.  It was like penance or something, for something he didn’t do, but didn’t object to as much as he should have.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he couldn’t show them Spike’s file because that would be a huge invasion of privacy.  It was bad enough that Xander had seen.  Xander had even found a few minutes alone with Willow’s new laptop, and he couldn’t find the Initiative victim files anywhere on there, so he hoped they just weren’t.  He did find ones on Adam, but that was it.  It was almost all magic stuff, he thought.  Willow was moving </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> past pencil lifting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And now yeah, maybe it would be awkward having Spike around in his tiny studio apartment, but at least he wasn’t still in his parent’s basement.  There was a double bed and a couch, and a table, tiny kitchen, but Xander didn’t really know how to cook anyway, and a small bathroom.  And a little closet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not going to handcuff me while we walk?” Spike groused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’re going to run away, or you’d never have shown up at Giles’s house.  It’s probably not my business if you do anyway.  And, before you ask, I’m not going to lock you up at my place either.  Nothing’s worth stealing, and I don’t expect to get my safety deposit back anyway.  And if you wanted to get some other demons to kill us all because you can’t- again, could have done that without going to Giles’s house.  And if we get attacked by something that goes bump in the night, would be pretty stupid to have you chained up,” Xander pointed out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Useless in a fight either way,” Spike grumbled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not really, Xander knew.  The files had specifically mentioned hurting humans.  There had been… demon fights instigated to test it.  The chipped subjects weren’t prevented from fighting each other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe,” Xander said instead.  “I haven’t taken psychology or anything, but shocks are used for preventing or training out behaviour they don’t want, yeah?  They don’t want you able to hurt </span>
  <em>
    <span>humans</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but don’t think they’d care about other demons.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xander looked over when he knew that Spike had stopped moving.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sayin’ things like that isn’t going to make me… stay put.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t know for sure.  And you probably shouldn’t run off to go test it, without some planning at least.  And better backup than me.  I’m just providing a safe place to stay, and a supply of pigs blood- or any other animal a butcher has.  And maybe in a week you won’t hate me enough to want to get some demon at Willy’s to kill me- but honestly, I’m the slayer’s friend, so most demons in town either want me dead or want to stay far away from me already.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not going to handcuff me to the radiator?” Spike checked.  “Chain me to the bathtub, tie me to the chair?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No chains or rope, just a shower, no bathtub, and Anya took the handcuffs when she moved out,” Xander joked.  And started moving again, hoping Spike would follow.  He really didn’t want to just hang out on the streets of Sunnydale at night longer than needed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike was silent for the rest of the walk home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My bed, your couch, pig blood in the fridge, rest of the little kitchen with it.  Bathroom over there.  That’s about it.  It’s a tiny, cheap place near a cemetery and at least one meth lab.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harris, what changed,” Spike demanded.  It didn’t even feel like a question.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Xander played dumb because he didn’t want to answer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could have brought ropes and chains from Watcher’s house.  Could’ve made me carry them even,” Spike spat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I figured humans have put you through enough shit in the last couple weeks,” Xander said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve eaten </span>
  <em>
    <span>plenty</span>
  </em>
  <span> of humans.  Humanity doesn’t owe me shit, and Alexander- </span>
  <em>
    <span>middle name</span>
  </em>
  <span>- Harris- certainly doesn’t.  Alexander is your given name, isn’t it?  Wouldn’t know in the world today with friends like Buffy and Willow.  At least Willow’s a nice tree, I suppose,” the vampire ranted.  He could talk about eating people and then sound so fancy British.  Not like his normal British.  But maybe Xander didn’t know him well enough to know what was normal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Middle name’s Lavelle,” Xander mentioned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lavelle,” Spike repeated, pondering.  “Irish or French?” he asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um- if those are the two options, Irish.  Have a few Irish relatives far enough back.  I don’t think anyone’s French.  And Alexander’s right.  Never gone by it though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The common diminutive form being Alex,” Spike pointed out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My mom called me Alex when I was little.  And my grandmother.  But there was another boy named Alex in kindergarten.  The teachers were going to call us ‘Alex B.’ and ‘Alex H.’ if neither of us wanted to be Alexander.  Jesse came up with Xander, said it was way cooler.  And I’ve been Xander ever since.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Haven’t heard that name mentioned before,” Spike observed neutrally.  “Jesse.”  Not asking, but Xander knew the vampire was insatiably curious about everything around him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Hellmouth is a sucky place to live.  He was gone a while before you came to town,” Xander said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike stares at him, waiting for more but not asking.  He’s never this quiet or patient.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Queen vampire bitch Darla- or one of her minions, I don’t know, but I blame her- turned him.  He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to fall for her pretty face.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Any</span>
  </em>
  <span> pretty girl’s face.  I- he-after- was in the Bronze, and it felt like the world was ending, and vampires and demons were really, really real, and I was holding a stake.  And he was going to kill me.  And someone- it’s pathetic really...  Someone pushed me from behind and I just fell into him and staked him.  I didn’t decide- couldn’t decide which of us should die.  I was just incompetent and… lucky, I guess.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry.  So... we’re doing soul-bearing now?” Spike asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess so,” Xander shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t have a soul… apparently,” Spike mumbled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, the Harris family wasn’t even very good at the Christmas and Easter routine.  So I wouldn’t really know about souls,” Xander admitted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can recite… thousands of Scripture verses.  Believe… honestly </span>
  <em>
    <span>believe</span>
  </em>
  <span> about half of it, which is more than most ministers and priests.  And </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> flesh burns with holy water and crosses.  And your friend would be glad to be dead rather than you.  Plenty of vampires go back and eat their families after turning.  Angelus loved talking about doing in his.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you?” Xander asked, throat dry.  He knew Spike hadn’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, but I always was a mother’s boy,” Spike said.  “Death and a demon couldn’t change that.  But it does for most, and that doesn’t mean they were worse humans.  I was a pathetic excuse of a man, and mother was a saint.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You turned her,” Xander spouted out, and then regretted it.  It made sense.  “I- sorry!  Probably wrong, and I won’t tell anyone,” he promised, because that wasn’t in the watcher books about Spike, he was pretty sure, but he was sure now anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike turned his back on Xander… which was honestly more a sign of trust than anything else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’d been dying for years.  Medicine was crap then, utter shit.  Little old man with a black bag and mortar and pestle, grinding up plants he knew just enough science to know didn’t really do much of anything useful.  I thought I had the gift of immortality, and wanted to share it with my precious mum.  Didn’t go well.  Then I joined back up with Drucilla, pledged my undead devotion to her for as long as she’d have me- and as it turned out, quite a bit longer, and killed and ate a bunch of people.  Angelus and Darla there too- ‘least for a while.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry it didn’t go well with your mom- mum.  I’m sure she was a really nice, proper lady,” Xander said, hoping that would help.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She was.  Then the demon who took up her skin tried to fuck me, and I staked it.  Sent me spiraling.  Because I still </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved</span>
  </em>
  <span> her, no matter what those old books say.  Not in the old Watcher diaries, eh?” Spike said.  “And neither is whatever’s made you being nice to me now.  I’d guess, but would just end up handing you even more ammunition.  But maybe I should.  You wouldn’t do anything with it, would you, Harris?  Unless it would do something </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>, save someone’s life.  And I’m not likely to be holding anyone hostage again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you weren’t chipped, would I be your hostage now?” Xander asked.  “Your snack?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d want to know why you were being </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice</span>
  </em>
  <span> to me first,” Spike said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He deserved to know.  “Willow got a new laptop.  She- let me have her old one.  All the files from the Initiative were on there.  A lot of them anyway.  I’m pretty positive Willow never even looked at them.  The last opened date of the files was exactly the same as the creation date.  And I- sort of snooped through her new laptop and couldn’t find them there- and they would be next to the Adam files if she transferred them.  I think she just… didn’t want to face them, you know?  You can- see whatever you want to see, of course.  That’s… why.  Not pity just… I don’t know.”  Probably some pity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So… you read all the torturous shit they did to me,” Spike said.  “Saw the pictures.  Is that what this is about?  The pictures?” he asked, like it didn’t matter.  Like he was mildly annoyed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe?  I just don’t want to be cruel to you.  Do I need a reason?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it because I have a little prick?” Spike asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xander might have reacted to that.  He didn’t expect Spike to... come out and say </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- no,” Xander answered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your testosterone-filled American good boy self doesn’t want to protect the smaller, weaker, </span>
  <em>
    <span>inferior</span>
  </em>
  <span> man?” Spike hissed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xander sputtered, “You’re not weak- you’re a </span>
  <em>
    <span>vampire</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Chipped vampire.  Not a real man, not a real vampire, </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  A wretch that’s just damned good at staying alive to continue its miserable existence,” Spike said plainly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t believe that,” Xander said, certain.  Right?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Most days, I don’t believe it, no,” Spike answered, and smiled.  “Certainly not bothered by my body.  Angelus beat that out of me over a century ago.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sucks,” Xander didn’t know what to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I’d be his </span>
  <em>
    <span>toy</span>
  </em>
  <span> quite often, so he’d leave Drucilla alone.  I became very, very good at it, even enjoying it myself sometimes.  He was a sick fucker and I’ve never stopped hating him.  But sometimes he was kinder than Drucilla, and I loved </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> for a hundred twenty years.  Though it is a bit of a shame that I wasn’t born in ancient Athens.  They would have found me </span>
  <em>
    <span>exquisite</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shifting conversation would be good.  Yeah.  “Did- they- the Initiative- give you scars from cutting you open?” Xander asked.  Not the best shift, admittedly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Usually takes something powerful to permanently scar a vampire.  This was a slayer’s magic sword,” he said, fingering his eyebrow.  “Got a mark from Drucilla- and next to it Angelus.  Don’t expect anything from the science idiots to scar,” he said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not… healed yet?” Xander asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike just tugged his black t-shirt over his head in response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pretty close at this point,” he said, brushing over the thin red lines on his abdomen.  Over his really defined ab muscles.  Muscles that had been heartlessly sliced through and it must have been so, so terrible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So… being tied to that chair was really awful,” Xander observed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wasn’t enjoyable, no,” Spike admitted.  “Being tied up has never been my kink to begin with.  Maybe if it was someone I trusted to care for me.  But that could never be Buffy Summers or Rupert Giles.  Could have gotten out of ropes, of course, if I </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted.  But it was barely scabbed over at the time, and I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>starving</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and trying not to get staked.  And my head still hurt.  And the chair was wooden, and breaking wood isn’t really considered wise for a vampire.  So still a considerably better day than the ones before it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xander swallowed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But- they cut you open before and you were healed by the next day,” Xander said.  “I- well, it was in the file.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I’m sure with </span>
  <em>
    <span>pictures</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  I had human blood.  Heal up pretty fast with the stuff.  But it was also drugged, so I didn’t drink it a second time.  Pig swill doesn’t work as well.  Keeps me from starving.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you- you’re almost better now though?” Xander checked.  “Does it still hurt?” he asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike did a like smile-eye-roll-head-shake thing, “M- fine, Harris.  Only hurts when I poke at it.  Doesn’t even hurt to breathe anymore- not that I have strictly </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to breathe for… twelve decades, but it’s a hard habit to kick, turns out.  And necessary for talking- which I do quite a lot of.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Roomie</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  I will enjoy my new space.  I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> suffer on your couch, only because it’s frankly nicer than the bed, but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> be sleeping nude.  But you’ve already seen everything anyway, haven’t you?”  Spike could be like that to anything alive or dead.   Sort of- very- flirty just by being himself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It started with Spike stripping off dirty clothes after patrol- once he started patrolling with them- mostly with Xander.  He took off his clothes after patrol even when they weren’t even that dirty.  He just pulled off his shirt and shucked off his jeans, and left them on the ground by the washing machine.  Xander was just glad that his otherwise crappy apartment actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> a washing machine, or he’d never have clean clothes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xander had never considered Spike’s underwear before… well, actually he’d maybe thought one time that Spike was maybe the commando type.  Because that seemed tough and… and sexually charged enough.  Instead, Spike wore solid red briefs of a silky material.  Xander thought it was silk-y anyway.  It wasn’t like he knew what real silk was.  He’d thought briefs were for little boys.  And you’d be laughed out of a locker room for wearing them, and real men wore boxers.  For the non-constricting feel.  And boxer briefs were a risk but not as bad as briefs.  But Spike didn’t look childlike.  Even with… it being obvious that there wasn’t much... bulk under the fabric.  The next pair Xander saw was black, the next dark purple.  And then a pair that didn’t exactly look like briefs because… there wasn’t a flap, just a smooth cloth, like a woman’s panties- but with room for balls.  That was… something Xander hadn’t seen before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Xander’s initial shock was over, he decided that </span>
  <em>
    <span>real men</span>
  </em>
  <span> wore whatever the hell they wanted.  So if Xander sometimes walked around in boxers with smiley faces or lips on them well… he wouldn’t be too embarrassed.  And he’d keep on the t-shirt.  And try not to think about that soft fabric cradling Spike’s little… cold, cold showers and mindless television.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And sometimes slayage involved nasty goo-type demons.  And that time Spike left boots at the door, hung up the leather jacket, bemoaning having to trust it to some cleaning demons, then peeled off the shirt, pushed down the pants, and the underwear right along with it without pause, and dumped it all right in the washing machine.  Xander had time to notice that there was no hair there again before he spun away.  And spinning around quickly when you’re covered in goo is a good way to end up on your ass… which he did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike chuckled softly and walked towards the bathroom.  Naked, really naked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll try to leave you some hot water,” Spike said.  “Though if you want to be sure, you’re welcome to join me,” he said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was still some hot water, but Xander scrubbed as quickly as he could to not push it.  But he hadn’t wanted to hurry the vampire along, because Spike would just say that he should come in.  So, Xander stood outside the bathroom door- because he’d drifted that far almost wanting to go in.  His carpet wouldn’t be the same after the concentrated goo puddle, but it was pretty crappy carpet anyway.  He wanted to go wash at least his hands so that he could turn on the tv- because Xander didn’t do well with silences… but he really didn’t want to get demon goo in his kitchen area, and he wasn’t going to use the bathroom sink…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Spike was already towel-dried off when he finally opened the bathroom door… and apparently decided to leave the towel inside.  At least the wet towel wouldn’t sit in a corner somewhere and mildew or something?  But really, mildew didn’t seem like that big of a deal.  Xander kept his eyes up, which just meant staring at Spike’s, which were smiling.  Smiling eyes, that was a thing.  Xander stepped back from the doorway, and Spike to a wide step over the messed carpet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And after that… Spike didn’t put on clothes first thing after waking up, or right after a shower, and it was... casual.  Or Spike was casual about it anyway.  If they were watching tv, he’d usually have a blanket on him.  Well, he’d have a blanket and then the electric heating pad that had been tucked away at the top of the medicine cabinet.  And then Xander could look at Spike.  When not on the couch, there was a lot of talking while not looking.  Because Spike didn’t do silence much more than Xander did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And what if Buffy and Willow have a surprise drop by while you’re being all… clothing optional?” Xander asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They have a key to the place?” Spike asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah- no.  I only have one key.  Could get another made, but you never seem to have trouble coming and going- but- I could get you one.”  There had never been talk of Spike returning to Giles’s house, or moving out.  Even after they knew he could beat up all the non-human nasties.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“S’ fine,” Spike mumbled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, but you didn’t really answer the question,” Xander said, still looking at the fridge.  He wasn’t even hungry, but it was something to do.  Maybe he’d have a beer, but he’d already had two in the last hour before starting this conversation, and he really didn’t want to actually be drunk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would cover up for Red because I like Glinda so much.  Sweet girl.  Someone really should eat her male kinsmen.  Like Red well enough too.  Would cover up for the Slayer because less likely to get staked.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And- me?” Xander asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would probably cover up about half the time if you asked.  But not when I sleep,” Spike shrugged.  “You asking?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you can be however you’re comfortable,” Xander said, still looking at the fridge.  It had been too long now.  But he wasn’t going to grab a beer, and food didn’t really sound good either.  He was trying to- well, not really diet exactly, but at least trying to not eat just because he was bored or stressed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your home.  You should be able to look around without whiplash to look away all the time.  Give me a minute,” he groused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Spike,” Xander whined, turning.  The vampire hadn’t moved, and Xander was startled how close he was.  He had known Spike was there before… he’d just thought maybe he’d walked away in a huff all silent like.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t mind I just… feels wrong, you know?  It would be like that with anyone- well maybe a stranger would be less awkward, and some- a few- people would be more awkward- maybe way more awkward.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What feels wrong?” Spike asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That you’re- naked?” Xander stated the obvious.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Spike pressed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ahhh… not sure what the answer is really, just uncomfortable,” Xander answered honestly enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll list some possible reasons then?  Because I’m a vampire.  Because I’m a man.  Because I have a tiny cock.  Because you find me unsettlingly attractive.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are those the- only options to choose from?” Xander tried to joke.  “Like Irish and French?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, pet.  Any host of complicated reasons.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not because of your size…  But the others maybe a bit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think that’s true,” Spike said.  “If my cock looked more like your own, I don’t think my nudity would bother you as much.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- don’t think that’s true, but I can’t know, I guess,” Xander admitted.  He was still looking Spike in the eye- a few inches down.  Xander didn’t usually feel tall, even though he sort of was, and he hung out with two short girls all the time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What kind of attractive am I?” Spike asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- do vampires show up in pictures?  I could pick up a disposable camera at the store, get it developed in a couple days,” Xander offered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, but not what I’m asking.  What kind of attractive am I to </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Xander Harris?” Spike asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What- are the options?” Xander asked uncertainly.  It was actually easier to look at Spike this close.  When he couldn’t really see anything lower than shoulders, and he didn’t have any choice but to look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Handsome?  Pretty?  Sexy?  Like an animal?” Spike suggested.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe a few of those- not like an animal except… no, not like- though- well- I was possessed by a hyena spirit one time- not a high point of my life admittedly.  But I think they’d respect you.  I mean… more like a… work of art.  Like a… statue or painting that belongs in a museum,” Xander described.  It wasn’t very descriptive, but it was the best he could do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lots of that artwork has little pricks too.  That part of the association?” Spike pressed.  “You know, flaccid, mine is even smaller than in the museum.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xander was breathing too hard.  He </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> far, far too hard.  Spike would know.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your muscles are perfect.  Your cheekbones… your skin’s really pale, and smooth and... perfect.  Or at least I think it would be smooth.  You have a very impressive hair removal routine,” Xander babbled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pretty harsh cream.  Not worried about abrasiveness with vampire healing.  You going to make a </span>
  <em>
    <span>move</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Harris, or too afraid?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I spend- a great deal of my life fucking terrified.  Why would this be any different?” Xander shrugged.  His hands found their way to Spike’s shoulders.  “You’re still naked,” he commented.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Been parading around that way just waiting for one of us to snap.  I don’t like being patient, but I’m good at it when I care.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to kiss a naked man.  I am, aren’t I?” Xander checked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Xander, you are.  And you’re leaning in and down for it right now,” Spike instructed, not leaving him much of a choice.  Spike didn’t touch him at all until their lips met, and then Spike’s arms were around his neck.  Xander’s arms dropped around his waist.  Really close to the man’s bare ass.  It was like slow dancing, except Spike was full on devouring his mouth, and Xander was doing his best to keep up, and then a hand went into his hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They didn’t do more than kissing and holding- maybe including holding Spike’s ass… and of course Spike returned the gesture.  Spike pulled away first, smiling.  He put something on tv and wrapped up in his blankets.  Xander sat closer than he usually would.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next day, Xander handed Spike a key.  His smile was beautiful.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>